Convention goers gather on the lawn of campaign headquarters in Rutherford, CA

Supery Delegates prepare their vote

Campaign Manager Michaela Rodeno addresses a sold out crowd

The response from delegates is heard as far away as Oakville and St. Helena

A sold out VIP lunch under sunny Napa Valley skies

I speak for all Americans when I express my heart-felt and sincerest gratitude to John McCain for suspending his campaign in order to save us from this financial crisis. He has put his country ahead of his own campaign and it is truly awe inspiring. Furthermore, since no plan has yet been agreed upon, I am sure he is continuing to stay in Washington so that he can…hold on, my assistant campaign manager, Cabernet, is trying to tell me something. Yes, Cabbie, what is it? I’m sorry, what was that? Oh, I see. And he’s no longer…right. So it was all a bunch of…got it. Thanks, Cabbie. Well, it’s good to see that nothing’s changed; I was beginning to fear that someone actually did care.

So I checked in with Michael Beaulac and he sent me on my merry, campaigning way, saying that harvest is sailing smoothly and deliciously along. I know he loves me as only a father, er, sorry, as only a winemaker can, but sometimes we do disagree on politics. He’s from Vermont, where people have addled their brains with maple syrup and glorious fall colors—they’re mad, I tell you! Several towns in Vermont have even impeached Bush. They kicked him out of town! I was once kicked out of The Bellagio Hotel in Vegas. It was a horrible! This all makes me feel sad for Bush. I can never forgive this sticky, multi-fall-colored state, which makes Thanksgiving dinner with my Vermont relatives more than just a little awkward.

The candidate who said he didn’t know a lot about the economy is now suspending his campaign so he can help save the economy.

Huh?

He’s also calling on Obama to do the same. Uh, yeah, because what this economic crisis needs is two boobs posing for some pictures. We’ve already had 7 years too many of the current Commander-in-Boob thinking that nothing staves off hurricane force winds more than a politically forced picture. Please take note that McCain didn’t call on Elu to come back to Washington. Now, he might say that this has to do with the fact that I have never been there. But I think it has more to do with the fact that, even as a bottle of wine, I still make McCain look short, and that wouldn’t help his photo op very much.

However, I’m suspending my campaign anyway…see you after harvest!

The economy is going south and everyone wants to know which candidate is better prepared to save it. Listen, with me as your president, you won’t ever have to worry about the economy.

Consider the following. Things are going great and that economy thingy is doing very well; you celebrate with great wine, right? Now consider the opposite; OK, I don’t know what that would be but just consider it, OK? Now you have to find a great bottle of wine to console you. I win again! Look, friends, I once heard that all of this market mumbo jumbo is actually controlled by some disembodied invisible hand…AN INVISIBLE HAND! What can anyone do against that!? Your only choice is to vote for the candidate that will always be with you, through good times and those other times that I have been told are not so good—that’s ME!

The media has been in a frenzy since I made my now infamous ‘lipstick on a Cold Duck’ comment and, as usual, the anti-wine media has taken it completely out of context. And now they have angered the most powerful single block of voters in this country. I am speaking, of course, about cat lovers. My campaign office has been flooded with emails and phone calls from cat lovers around the country demanding that I apologize for suggesting that cat urine smelled as bad as Cold Duck. It’s just an expression; an old saying from the old country. Everyone knows it, right? I am sick and tired of the pro-plonk media distracting the country from the real issue: they are STILL making Cold Duck!

Friends; I’m the real deal. I am tired of all of the other candidates talking about how they are the ones who are sincere; they are the ones that really mean it this time; they are the real agents of change; they are the ones that have arms and legs. You can put lipstick on your Cold Duck and pour it into a Riedel glass but it will still taste like a cat litter box that hasn’t been cleaned out in awhile. Yes, I am a bottle of wine and, as such, I don’t really have a brain, which means I don’t even know how to make change, let alone bring it about, but I do know this: you all voted for George W Bush–twice! Talk about plonk. Seriously, folks, we don’t need change in Washington; we just need something that DOESN’T come in a Mylar bag.”

I’ve heard all this talk about the so-called ‘liberal media’ and I just wanted to say this; what a bunch of crap!

Mr. Magoo and his running mate, Moose Whisperer, have received more press coverage than all of the glacial melt water in Alaska and, last I checked, those two are not liberals. What about me? I’m the most liberal candidate out there. I mean, come on! Consider; I’m a $65.00 bottle of high-end, award winning wine; I polish my furniture with foie gras and a shammy made from 14th Century Ming Dynasty area rugs; I don’t mix well with guns; I have a whole Federal bureaucracy that deals with taxing me; and I own 65% of the moon–the freaking moon! But you won’t see me on MSNBC or Fox News. Nope, all you’ll see is the Crypt Keeper and his opponent Dumbo. Liberal media? Hah. There may be 18 million cracks in the glass ceiling but no one’s attempted one crack at this bottle

The Republican and Democratic Conventions may be over, but there is still one left!

Please join us for the annual ELU party and our election convention.
When: September 27, 3-6 p.m.
Where: Campaign Headquarters aka St. Supery Vineyards & Winery
8440 St. Helena Hwy
RSVP: 800-231-9116 or events@stsupery.com or www.stsupery.com

All voters should attend. Taste wines, enjoy an all-American barbecue, dance to Brian Cline band, play winemaker in the world’s largest blending competition, win prizes, and show your support for ELU.

See you there!